A whole winter has come and gone. It has left as much in my memory as it has in my diary. An invisible season.
Green shoots are bursting everywhere. They promised a quick, fertile spring, then late frost came and spring has suspended its progress. Green shoots are bursting everywhere, and in a most frustrating way, seem to carry on bursting without ever fruiting more than those early forays. Spring has frozen in time. Every day I walk outside and look at the pots on the terrace. Hyacinths sit huddled in small grapes just above the soil. They continue to huddle everyday, like frightened tadpoles in their eggs, unwilling to crack their soft shells and grow towards the sun. I feel a little angry at them, as if they alone are holding back the seasonal changes. I wish they would have the courage to lead the rest of the garden towards its leafy, colourful abundance
Work is difficult. That is an understatement. We need to find new kennels for all the dogs in our care. An angel appears and agrees to take all 50 dogs looking for homes. But my role changes from office based to primary carer overnight. The move is difficult, it steals sleep and rest, and I am left feeling breathless and tired. The bags under my eyes become worlds inhabited by whole civilisations. I am so tired and sad, I think I may disappear in a black hole, sucked into oblivion. If you’re weren’t around, I think I might succumb to the temptation to let it all go. You and I go into the garden. You seem to know that something is terribly wrong and play like a puppy, throwing yourself into jumps and runs. You have not behaved like this since happier, carefree and younger times and I appreciate you are doing it for me. And for you, I break into a run also, and allow myself to forget my troubles for a while.
You were right, happiness lies somewhere after the storm. Spring still slowly unfurls its wings. It is slow, and it feel as though it is giving me time to catch up to hope.
Today the world is long and wide. Today the horizon has shifted. I look up and see such a big world. It is enormous! Yesterday, my life ended somewhere right in front of my eyes. My head was so full of realities, I could not see beyond a few meters. Tupilek lay on the terrace and whined. I sat down next to him and caressed his fur. Such softness, and such trust, it made me feel alive and loved.
Today is the start of a new world and I juggle my life between the kennel babies and you. We go for a walk in the morning, and it’s never long enough for you I know. But I also know you cannot walk the miles you used to love. You creak and groan your bones as we go. You take breaks in the middle of the road and I am thankful we walk in quiet neighbourhoods.
I leave you sleeping and make my way to kennels and get to know the boys and girls still waiting for their families. It is the start of a new job. I used to only take pictures, write profiles, edit little movies. I didn’t get to spend much time with all these homeless dogs. They explode with peronalities and I wonder how I have only known them for a short while. We walk together, cuddle in kennels and try to learn new things. I feel my world expand with each new discovery, my heart opens up with each new kiss. I marvel at the resilience and gratitude of these new found friends, and find that I have even more love, even more hugs for you when I get home